Painted In All My Mistakes
by NoxPersona9
Summary: After a disastrous mission to defeat Kylo Ren and Snoke, Rey has returned with the dark warrior's battered body. As Kylo Ren dies, he is confronted by a man he knows to be dead, his grandfather, who offers him a final chance for salvation - the secret of becoming one with the Force. Ren is taken back in time, where he must follow the life of Anakin Skywalker, to achieve redemption.
1. Prologue

**PAINTED IN ALL MY MISTAKES  
Prologue**

 **Hey everyone! This is my first story in the Star Wars fandom. I've been a fan of Star Wars since I was a kid, but I've only recently become interested in the fandom (follow me on Tumblr: mystormpilotsoul)! I haven't written in a while, but I've tried to keep everything free of grammar and spelling errors. Anyways, please review and enjoy!**

Poe Dameron glanced up once again, watching General Organa pace back-and-forth anxiously across the command room. The general was usually very kind, but she had never been a patient woman, and so it was unsurprising to everyone that, over the course of the week, nearly every member of the Resistance had been snapped at by the irritable woman. Poe himself was beginning to worry for Rey, even while he kept reassuring himself that the girl was accompanied by the legendary Luke Skywalker. After bringing Skywalker back from his self-imposed exile, Rey had undergone intense Jedi training to strengthen her connection to the Force. Though the Jedi Master claimed to not know her parentage, Rey would later confide to the Resistance pilot that she could sense him lying to her. Nevertheless, Rey had become quite a powerful Jedi - even constructing her own lightsaber, which she used alongside the Skywalker lightsaber, which was revered as something of a relic in its own right. Having completed her training, Rey had gone with Luke to confront Kylo Ren and Supreme Leader Snoke in a covert mission. In order to maintain secrecy, Luke insisted to his protesting sister that neither side communicate with the other. Thus, the past week had gone by in silence and anxiety, with everyone on the Resistance base fearing for the safety of the Jedi.

"They should've been back by now!" General Organa's voice rang out. "I knew this was a bad idea. What was Luke thinking - sneaking into the enemy base with no backup or communication?"

"I'm sure they're fine, General." Poe reassured her. "If Master Skywalker is as powerful as the legends say he is, then I'm sure we have nothing to worry about. Besides, he taught you how to communicate with him through the Force if there's an emergency."

"I've tried so many times." Leia shook her head. "I can't sense his presence - it feels... shrouded. Foggy."

 _The dark side._

Rey had described the dark power to him after one of her training sessions had gone horribly wrong. Luke had told her to concentrate with the Force while she was in a handstand; several minutes later, Poe was carrying a screaming Rey to the medical bay. After several days of unconsciousness, Rey awoke and spent another week recovering from her Force-induced vision. Poe was about to respond, when the intercom alarm rang on the command console. General Organa immediately rushed to the console, practically smashing her fist onto the button for communications.

"General Organa, a ship has just come out of hyperspace - a Corellian light freighter."

"Clear the docking bay and give them permission to land immediately!" the general said.

"Yes, General. But there's something else: our scans show that there are two life-forms aboard the ship - both of them appear to be in critical condition."

"Send a medic team at once." Leia ordered. "Hurry!"

"Yes, General." the intercom said before silencing.

"Dameron, come with me." General Organa said.

"Right away, General." Poe said, following Leia to the docking bay.

The Millennium Falcon had already landed, but it appeared to be severely battered and covered in carbon scorching from blaster marks. The landing ramp extended, and a bloodied woman emerged from it. Supporting herself with the landing gear, she limped a few feet ahead before collapsing.

"Rey!" Poe cried.

The medic team had lifted her onto a gurney and were taking her to the medical bay. Poe and Leia immediately ran to her side, looking at her broken form with extreme shock and concern. Her face was stained with crimson. Her clothes, normally free-flowing and loose, were torn and appeared to be slashed at with a lightsaber. Several of her ribs looked broken as well. But perhaps what was most shocking was her right hand - or rather, the stump where it used to be. The wound appeared cauterized by the extreme heat of a lightsaber, but was unevenly done, as though the plasma beam which sealed her flesh was erratic and inconsistent. Feebly blinking her eyes open, the Jedi apprentice looked with dimmed eyes at the two figures walking with her. With a great effort, she raised her stumped arm, wincing in pain as she did so, and pointed toward the Falcon with insistence before her hand dropped in pain.

"Rey, just relax. You're gonna be all right." Poe said firmly, more to himself than her.

"K-Kylo...Re..." Rey said feebly.

"Shh. Save your energy." Leia said in a maternal, yet pained, voice.

"Master... S- skywalk..." Rey breathed in pain.

They had reached the medical bay. The doctors quickly removed her tattered garments and placed an oxygen mask over her, before carefully lowering her into a bacta tank. Medical droids were running scans on the battered girl, gathering data on her various injuries. The droids pushed the two humans out of the room, sealing the door to prevent them from entering. Poe began banging on the door, demanding to be let in, when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned to find Leia frowning and shaking her head at him, signaling him to take a seat. After a few minutes, the chief medical droid came out of the room.

"How is she?" they both demanded immediately.

"Her condition has been stabilized. However, our scans indicate that she has six broken ribs, one of which has punctured her lung. We are currently operating on her, but we cannot guarantee that she will survive. The wound to her hand has already been cauterized, but we will not attempt to replace it until she makes a full recovery."

Poe made a movement forward, but was blocked by the droid. "I am sorry, but we cannot allow any organics into the room while the patient is in such a critical state. We will provide consistent updates on her status until the surgery is over." it said, before reentering the room.

Just then, a young woman ran into the waiting room and approached General Organa.

"Jessika? What happened?" Leia asked.

"General, the medic squad just went inside the Falcon to retrieve Master Skywalker, but he wasn't there." she said.

"What?" Leia cried. "That's impossible. There were two life-forms scanned aboard that ship."

"There was, but it wasn't Skywalker." She took a deep breath and said, "It's Kylo Ren."

"Are you serious?" Poe demanded. "Then what are we waiting for? We have to kill him - now!"

"No!" Leia thundered. "Jessika, is he unconscious?"

"Yes, General. We had him sedated and searched him. There were no weapons on him except for this." she said, handing Ren's lightsaber to Leia.

"Very good, Jessika. Bring him to the medical bay. That's an order!" she yelled upon seeing the pilot's hesitation.

Jessika immediately ran out the medical bay, the door closing behind her. Leia slowly sank onto a chair, burying her face in her hands.

"What was Rey thinking, bringing him with her?" Poe fumed. "And what were you thinking, General? He's too dangerous to remain on this base! We need to terminate him before he wakes up!"

" _He's my son!_ " Leia shouted. "And we are _not_ going to kill him, no matter what he's done."

"He's a _war criminal_. He tortured me - he tortured _Rey_! He's the reason Finn's been stuck in a coma for the past two years!" Poe cried.

"Whatever he is, whatever he's done, I'm not going to have him killed." Leia said firmly. "And we have bigger problems to worry about. Luke didn't come back with Rey and I can't sense his presence anywhere."

"But he's not dead, right?" Poe asked. "I mean, wouldn't you have been able to feel it if he died?"

"I don't know. I know I was able to feel... Han's death, but now... the Force feels completely out of balance. There's only the dark side now."

Poe didn't know how to respond to this. It was one thing to understand the loss of a friend or a family member. It was concrete, relatable. What he couldn't understand was something so abstract as the eternal darkness he kept hearing about from General Organa, Rey, Luke, even Kylo Ren. It was probably a Force thing. " _And not important right now._ " he reminded himself.

"I, uh, I should probably go help Jessika." Poe said. "If you need anything General, don't hesitate to ask."

Leia silently nodded without even looking up at the sullen pilot. Poe walked out the room, looking solemnly at the distraught general one last time, before closing the door behind him. With no one else in the room, Leia began to sob uncontrollably. She had never allowed herself to appear as anything except the controlled, charismatic leader of the Resistance that everyone knew her as. She only allowed herself bring down her walls when she was alone.

But she rarely felt alone - in fact, there were only three times that she ever felt this broken. The first time was over thirty years ago - she was a 19 year old ambassador from Alderaan, and she watched in horror as the Empire took the lives of millions in one fell swoop - her friends and family - all incinerated by the Death Star. The second time was much more recent - but it was possibly the worst moment of her life. It was the day that Snoke succeeded in turning her son against her - the baby she had tenderly held in her arms at birth. The little boy who squealed with joy as his father threw him up and caught him. The irate, pained teen who became increasingly cold and distant with her. The dark young man who slaughtered dozens in cold blood, destroying the Jedi once more like his grandfather before him. That night ripped away everyone she ever loved - her son, her husband, her brother. And today, she was again about to lose everyone she cared about - Luke, who was again missing without a map to find him. Rey, the girl she had come to love as her own daughter, on the brink of life and death. And her son had returned, twisted and corrupted, to her at last.

She reached out with the Force, feeling the waves of darkness emanating from him - he was coming closer, closer than he had ever been to her in so long. But amidst the blackness, she sensed a feeble light in its center. It continued to burn, refusing to be smothered by the darkness around it. She concentrated harder upon that small sunspot, willing it to grow brighter. She could feel it pulsing, like a heart, beating faster with each second. A picture began to form into her mind - it was shrouded by the darkness, but she willed the light to illuminate it. Slowly, the fog cleared and she began to see a young man's face: he was pale and had a large scar across his face; his eyes, dark brown, were closed shut; his lips were swollen and tinged red with blood; his nose was strangely protruded and angled as if broken.

Leia opened her eyes to see Poe and Jessika reenter with the medic team, which was transporting a robed figure on a gurney. Kylo Ren's face was exactly as Leia had seen in her vision. His body was completely limp from the sedative injected into him, making him appear harmless - even vulnerable. Her solitude disrupted, Leia quickly recomposed herself, putting up her commanding, assertive persona of 'General'.

"How is he?" she asked.

"He's not looking too good." Jessika said. "There's a wound in his chest - looks like it's gone straight through his heart. We sedated him, but unless the medical droids work a miracle, I don't see any chance of him waking up."

"Doesn't seem like such a bad thing to me." Poe muttered under his breath.

Jessika gave Poe a severe look before dragging him away by the arm. "Call us if you need anything, General." she said.

The medical droids immediately took him into the operating room, shutting the door behind them. Leia made no attempt to follow them. She closed her eyes again, reaching out with the Force toward her brother. She already knew it was futile - Luke's presence was far too masked by the dark side. She would question Rey, once the girl had recovered enough to speak with her. But for now, Leia opted to return to her personal quarters. She closed her eyes, but she already knew that she wouldn't sleep at all tonight.


	2. The Call

**Chapter 1: The Call**

 _He parried another one of her strikes and wildly swung his own saber toward her neck. She dodged it and countered with a quick strike toward his arm. Fiery sparks scintillated as the yellow and blue blades pushed against the red fire. They each concentrated harder upon their blades, calling on the Force to aid them in breaking through their opponent's defenses._

 _"You should have chosen the dark side!" Kylo Ren yelled. "It would have made you so much stronger!"_

 _"The dark side is a disease to the Force!" Rey countered. "It's a plague that needs to be eradicated by the light."_

 _"The Jedi have deceived you." Ren pleaded to her, imploring her to see reason. "The light needs darkness to give it meaning - a medium to contrast with, to shine through. So too must the Jedi surround themselves with enemies - create them, if they must - for they know that if they are not constantly opposed, their order has no purpose, no reason to exist. Skywalker has blinded you with his lies, just as he once did with me! He is holding you back from the dark side, the source of your true power! Join me, and I will show you the true nature of the Force. Supreme Leader will complete your training, and he will grant you everything you desire."_

 _"There is nothing Snoke has to offer me." Rey cried._

 _"He is wiser than you know." Ren declared. "He knows what you desire. He can tell you who your real family is!"  
_

 _"You're lying!" Rey screamed. She twisted her two sabers around Kylo Ren's blade, knocking the unstable weapon out of his hands, and kicked him square in the chest. He grunted in pain, falling onto the ground, and looked up in anger toward his opponent, who now held both her blades around his neck._

 _"You're going to pay for everything you've done." Rey said._

 _"Are you going to kill me, Jedi?" Ren laughed. "Do it, and you will have turned your back on Skywalker's teachings. You will have destroyed everything he has worked so hard to create. You will have failed your master."_

 _Her hands began to shake, but her face was still filled with resolve. There was silence between them, but her twin blades continued to hum faintly. In the distance, both of them could hear the sounds from the fierce duel between their masters. They could feel their power through the Force, the light and the dark, in an epic battle for the galaxy's fate._

 _"You cannot delay this any further, girl." Ren sneered. "Choose your destiny: the light or the dark..."_

But he could see them both so clearly: a faint light at the end of a long, winding tunnel. He stood frozen, unsure of what to do. The light appeared so warm and inviting, like a mother embracing her child. Why had be been running away from its call, he wondered. And then he remembered - the light was treacherous. Deceitful. It beckoned you, only to chain you down when you approached it. It weakened you, sapped away your strength as each day passed. It glowed with false promises. Filled with these thoughts, the light began growing dimmer, and his surroundings were becoming more obscure. For a moment, panic filled his chest, but then he came to his senses. There was nothing to be feared from the dark - it was merely the unknown, the unexplored. Not the dangerous monster the light made it out to be. The light was so sure of itself, claiming its right to judge based only on its power to illumination, to make things known. But he knew better. Someone had showed him the power of darkness before he arrived here - someone powerful, someone wise.

But who was it?

He furrowed his brows in concentration, trying to remember who this all-knowing being was. The faint light ahead flashed images around him. The dark tunnel was filled with pictures, and words danced in his mind: Ship. Droid. Lightsaber. Scar. Hand. Love. Fear. Anger. Hate. Suffering.

Mask. A mask born of fire and darkness. It was pitch black and skull-like, and yet it felt perfectly alive. When it spoke, the sound it made echoed hauntingly around the tunnel, leaving an unspoken whisper of something... _sinister_. He closed his eyes and concentrated upon that whisper. It was saying a name - a name he had heard before - over and over again.

Vader.

 _Vader._

 _Vader_.

His eyes snapped open. There was darkness twisting around the light at the end. It was forming a shape, which began to eclipse the faint glow. It was the mask. The mask, on whose every breath was that same name, _Vader_. The mask began coming closer - it was now sprouting a body. That sound was growing louder, heralding the approach of this dark terror. The light was nearly gone now, now only a faint glow around the edge of the mask. The man had drawn his weapon, igniting it to release a crimson blade of death. Was this _Vader_ some augury of destruction? Had Vader come for him? Terror clenched his heart as he stood immobilized, waiting for this reaper to strike him down.

But suddenly the nearly vanished light began glowing brighter. For a second, he heard the voice of a woman he knew. A woman he was once close to. And he thought for a moment that he heard it say a word: _Ben_. The light was shining stronger, so strongly that it actually set the mask alight. The fire crackled, twisting the metal head apart. Vader's body was set on fire; it collapsed onto the floor of the tunnel and burned away, leaving behind only the charred, twisted mask. And suddenly the tunnel disappeared. He was on the _Finalizer_ , hearing himself speak to the mask.

" _Forgive me. I feel it again... the call from the light. Supreme Leader senses it. Show me again the power of darkness, and I'll let nothing stand in our way. Show me, grandfather, and I will finish what you started."_

"What you seek, Kylo Ren, will only bring you pain, not strength."

It couldn't be. He had called to him for decades, beseeching him for guidance and wisdom, even when the Force was dormant. But there was no mistaking his appearance. He was dressed in a cream-colored tunic and brown robes. There was a long scar across one of his piercing blue eyes. His mechanical hand was covered by a black glove. And his hair, though thick, was silvered with age.

"Anakin Skywalker." Ren recognized.

"My grandson." the old man said. "I have waited many years to speak with you."

"Why could you not have appeared to me as your masters once did?" he asked.

"There is a great imbalance in the Force." he explained. "With the disappearance of my son, Luke Skywalker, the Cosmic Force was silenced in the shroud of the dark side. Those who became one with the Force lay dormant with it for decades, and were eventually swept away into its Netherworld. I myself had nearly disappeared, but I fought to retain my presence, in the hope that once the Jedi had returned, the Force would awaken once more, and I could again manifest myself on this plane of existence."

"Why did you choose to return?" Ren asked.

"Because I am the Chosen One, and it is my duty to return balance to the Force." Anakin spoke. "Even after the destruction of the Sith, their legacy remained in the incarnation of Snoke. Under his influence, you were corrupted by the dark side, and you nearly extinguished the light from the galaxy once again."

"But I was fulfilling your legacy, grandfather!" Ren exclaimed. "I sought to finish your mission - the destruction of the Jedi Order! Everything I had done was to honor you!"

"You are blinded, Kylo Ren." Anakin shook his head sadly. "But perhaps the blame lies not with you alone. History will forever remember me as Darth Vader, the Sith Lord who destroyed the Jedi and the Republic. But there is only one who knows my true legacy - the man who believed that I was not beyond redemption, even after all the pain and destruction I wrought upon the galaxy. My son is the reason I may stand before you like this."

"I do not understand, grandfather." Kylo Ren frowned. "You actually regret your actions? The dark side made you more powerful than all the Jedi combined! It was because of you that the Clone War ended! Your actions led to the creation of the Galactic Empire - you brought peace every star system in this galaxy!"

"Did I?" Anakin smiled sadly. "Because from what I understand, Anakin Skywalker was killed during the Great Jedi Purge. The only enforcer of the Empire that the galaxy remembers is Darth Vader."

"You are Darth Vader!" Kylo Ren exclaimed angrily. "Your very name once commanded fear throughout the Empire! No man dared to stand up against you!"

He fumed as the wizened man continued to smile insufferably at him, as though he, leader of the Knights of Ren, were nothing but a misguided, naive child. When he fashioned himself in the style of his grandfather, it was not in the image of this sappy, sentimental fool that stood before him. Supreme Leader had described his grandfather as a powerful, commanding figure of awe and fear - not this old bantha fodder who, more or less, resembled the deceitful caricature his uncle told him about.

"Why are you here?" he spat.

"I am here to grant what you desire most, my grandson." Anakin said.

"I desire power and greatness - in short, nothing you have to offer." Ren said.

"Is this truly what you want, Kylo Ren?" the old man asked. "Do you truly believe that the dark side will make you stronger?"

"I believe that the light side will always bring me failure." Kylo Ren said. "Its very nature is built upon restraint and docility. The dark side knows no such bounds - it grants those who channel it unlimited power and allows them to command fear and respect from all."

"And why do you need to become so powerful?" Anakin asked. "Is a person's value rooted only in his strength? Your father was not strong with the Force. Do you think any less of him?"

"My father was weak. He walked to his own destruction instead of saving himself. His life meant nothing to me." Ren sneered.

"And yet you hesitated in striking him down." Anakin said knowingly. "Indeed, I believe you very nearly allowed him to escape unharmed."

"I- I did no such thing!"

"You did." Anakin said simply. "There is a great turmoil inside you, my grandson, and it is tearing you apart. Even now, I can feel the conflict within you. The light pulls at you. It calls to you. Why do you continue to reject it?"

"The light side is weak, just like you!" Ren yelled. "You're nothing like Darth Vader. I don't even believe you were once the same person. I once looked up to you! I believed that by becoming just like you, I would gain your strength. But now I see that you, Anakin Skywalker, are just like all the other Jedi fools: pompous, arrogant, and pretentious. Just go back to whatever wormhole you crawled out of, and leave me to die in peace!"

"You cannot escape your destiny, boy!" Anakin roared, his eyes flashing dangerously.

Immediately, Kylo Ren was silenced. How was it possible that, in an instant, this very same man could exude such power to silence him into submission?

"I will not allow you to enter the Netherworld with the darkness you carry inside yourself. If you pass from the Living to the Cosmic Force, you will transform into the Force, and so too will the chaos inside you. Evil will descend upon the galaxy, and the very nature of the Force will be the dark side. Not even I would be able to bring back the light if the happens. Your actions have devastated the balance of the Force, and now you must pay for what you've done. I had come to permanently destroy you, but the will of the Force prevented me from doing so." he said.

"What?" Kylo Ren was shocked. "Why would the Force change its will without reason?"

"If you existed as long as I have, you would know that nothing ever happens without reason. Someone strong with the Force influenced it to stop me, so that I now come before you with an alternative. I can teach you how to become one with the Force, so that you will retain your identity just as I have. Your redemption would restore balance to the Force upon your death." Anakin said.

Ren stared at Anakin in shock. Who was so powerful that they could alter the very will of the Force? Was it Supreme Leader?

"No, my grandson, it was not." Anakin read his mind. "The one you seek is strong in the light side. And like her brother before her, she too believes that no being is beyond redemption."

No. It couldn't be...?

"Mom?" The word came out unconsciously. And for a moment, he was Ben Solo again, a ten year old child crying in his mother's arms.

 _"Ben? What happened?" Leia cried out as her son stormed into into her office._

 _"Uncle Luke said that I'll never be a Jedi!" he yelled angrily, grabbing a figure from her desk and throwing it against the wall. It shattered and fell onto the floor._

 _"What? Why did he say that?" she asked. She had never seen him this angry before. And it was completely unlike Luke to say something so negative._

 _"We were training with Uncle Luke, but he had to take Zeno to the medical bay when the idiot lit his training saber the wrong way. He told us that we were supposed to meditate until he got back, but then Gorg challenged me to a duel. He said that I couldn't even use the Force - that the only reason I was even accepted into the Academy was because my family was famous. We started dueling, but then his friends joined in. I told him that wasn't fair, but then he said that if I were really the grandson of the Chosen One, I should be more than strong enough to beat them all."_

 _"Ben, please don't tell me you actually let yourself get baited - I thought you were smarter than that! You should have just ignored him." she asked._

 _"Mom, you don't understand! You can't just ignore something like that - everyone was watching! If I ignored him, everyone would have thought he was right."_

 _"What happened after that?" she asked._

 _"They knocked me down and then Gorg took my lightsaber. He said that I didn't deserve to have my own lightsaber. I don't know what happened after that, but something snapped inside me. I got mad - really, really mad. And the next thing I knew, Uncle Luke was dragging me away and Gorg was on his knees, and he was coughing and holding his neck."_

 _He saw his mother's eyes momentarily widen in shock._

 _"Ben, did you... choke him?" she asked._

 _"It was an accident, I swear!" he cried. "I told that to Uncle Luke too, but he wouldn't listen! He kept telling me that Jedi don't let emotions cloud their judgement, but I didn't mean for it to happen - you have to believe me, Mom!" His eyes started brimming with tears._

 _"Ben, I do believe you. But you have to understand that Luke has bigger expectations out of you." she said._

 _"It's not fair! Why is it that Uncle Luke always treats me different_ _from everyone else?" he asked._

 _Leia drew him into her arms and hugged him. He closed his eyes, feeling the warmth in her embrace._

 _"I know how it is for everyone to expect a lot out of you, Ben." she said. "When I was your age, I had a huge responsibility as the princess of Alderaan. I was training as my father's aid in the Senate, and looking back, it was probably one of the most stressful things I ever did."_

 _"Even more than leading the Rebellion?" Ben asked._

 _Leia laughed. "Yes, even that. I knew that there were many people in the Senate who thought I was too young to serve my father. They would always be the first ones to point out my mistakes, and sometimes they said some pretty hurtful things to me."_

 _"Didn't you ever get mad at them?" Ben asked her._

 _"I learned early on that if you let them get to you, they've already won. I learned to ignore them and use their criticisms as my motivation to succeed. By the time I was fourteen, my father trusted me to go on secret missions for the Alliance - something he only let the people he trusted most do." she said._

 _"I'm gonna train even harder and become the strongest Jedi ever!" Kylo cried happily._

 _"I know you'll be." Leia smiled at her son._

"Your mother still believes you can be saved, just as I do." Anakin said. "The question is, do you?"

"...Yes." he said finally.

Anakin smiled warmly. "Very good. Acknowledging your inner light is the first step in the path to redemption. But be warned: in order to retain your identity, you must first embrace it. You need to discover yourself first - your _true_ self. And I believe that I know the perfect time and place for you to start your journey."

"And what is that?" Ren asked skeptically.

Anakin's smile broadened. "Tatooine, nearly sixty years ago."


End file.
